Inpatient – 8 Wochen in der Psychiatrie

Es ist einiges an Zeit vergangen, seitdem ich meinen letzten Beitrag veröffentlicht habe. Der Grund dafür ist – wie ihr dem Titel entnehmen könnt – mein 8-wöchiger Aufenthalt in einer Psychiatrie. Ich werde nur wenige Details meines Aufenthaltes verraten, aber möchte euch dennoch ein bisschen darüber berichten.

Wie es dazu kam..

Dass ich eine stationäre Therapie machen werde war schon seit Anfang des Jahres klar. Aus verschiedenen Gründen ging es mir dieses Jahr bis vor einigen Wochen so schlecht wie noch nie. Ich weigerte mich bislang immer, eine richtige Therapie zu machen, ging nur in psychiatrische Behandlung, wenn es nicht mehr ohne Medikamente ging. Ein großer Fehler, kann ich mittlerweile nur sagen. Laut meiner Therapeutin hätte ich bereits im frühen Jugendalter eine Therapie beginnen sollen, um die Folgen meiner angeknacksten Psyche geringer zu halten. Aber besser spät, als nie. Also ließ ich mich am 19.09. mit den Diagnosen „mittelgradige depressive Episode mit Panik- und Schlafstörung und Verdacht auf emotional instabile Persönlichkeitsstörung (Borderline)“ in eine psychiatrische Klinik einweisen, um eine stationäre Therapie zu machen. Im Verlauf der Therapie wurden mir eine schwere depressive Episode und eine posttraumatische Belastungsstörung (PTBS) diagnostiziert, zu der Panikattacken, dissoziative Zustände und Zustände hoher Anspannung, SVV und Alpträume/ Schlaflosigkeit gehören. Die Borderline-Diagnose wurde vorübergehend gestrichen (whoop whoop!), da ich noch nicht 21 bin und viele Symptome auch aus der PTBS resultieren könnten.

Zu Gast im Irrenhaus

So fühlte ich mich die ersten 2-3 Wochen. Es war schwer für mich, zu akzeptieren, dass ich in der Klapse gelandet war, obwohl ich mich selbst dafür entschieden hatte. Das drückte sich in einer lustlosen und panischen Grundstimmung aus. Ich redete die ersten Tage so gut wie gar nichts, schlief die meiste Zeit und war sehr misstrauisch gegenüber Ärzten, Pflegern und meinen Mitpatienten. Allerdings muss ich zugeben, dass ich sehr überrascht und beeindruckt war, wie „schön“ es in der Klinik an sich war. Meine Station – spezialisiert auf Trauma, Depressionen und emotional instabile PS – war ein hübsches Haus mit gemütlicher Einrichtung und das Klinikgelände war der reinste Wahnsinn. Ich bin die ersten Wochen fast täglich 1-3 Stunden spazieren gegangen, weil die Umgebung der Klinik so wunderschön war. Wald, Berge, Wanderwege, Bauernhof, Obstplantagen, alles was das Herz begehrte.

Einfach mal Mensch sein

Nach der schwierigen Anfangszeit (die übrigens die meisten Patienten durchmachen) erkannte ich immer mehr die positiven Aspekte meines Aufenthaltes. Das Umfeld in der Station unterstütze mich sehr dabei, mich zu stabilisieren und ein Gefühl der Sicherheit aufzubauen. Nach und nach baute ich zu einigen Pflegern Vertrauen auf und fing an, mit ihnen zu reden. Meine Mitpatienten waren – Überraschung – gar keine bekloppten Irren, sondern allesamt bewundernswerte Persönlichkeiten, von denen jeder ein schweres Päckchen zu tragen hatte. Ich lernte durch die stationäre Therapie vor allem eins: Was es heißt, einfach mal wieder Mensch zu sein. Denn dadurch, dass wir alle das gemeinsame Ziel hatten, uns besser zu fühlen, spielten sozialer Status, Herkunft, Alter oder Aussehen überhaupt keine Rolle. Das Zusammenleben auf Station war größtenteils sehr harmonisch und teilweise fast schon familiär. Traurig, dass das unter „normalen“ Menschen meist nicht der Fall ist.
Rückblickend hat mich mein Aufenthalt um Einiges an Sozialkompetenz und Wissen bereichert.
An dieser Stelle möchte ich gerne einfach mal darauf aufmerksam machen, wie wichtig es ist, Vorurteile gegenüber Anderen abzulegen. Der Anblick oder das Verhalten eines Menschen verraten uns nichts über seine Geschichte. Verinnerlicht das, bevor ihr Dinge über jemanden äußert, den ihr nicht (gut) kennt.

Menschen können grausam sein, das mussten viele von uns schon am eigenen Leib erfahren. Aber die Menschen sind auch unglaublich stark und lebensdurstig. Das finde ich sehr faszinierend.

Die Therapie

Die eigentliche Therapie bestand aus einem mehr oder weniger straffen Tagesprogramm. Um 7 Uhr ging der Tag los, fing dann mit Frühstück und meist einem kurzen Stations-Meeting an. Bis zum Mittagessen um 12 Uhr hatte ich meistens Sport, Visite oder Gruppentherapien. Zu meinen Gruppentherapien zählten GSK (Gruppe sozialer Kompetenzen), Musiktherapie und Skills-Training. Nachmittags fanden meistens Ergotherapie (Kunst) und Einzelgespräche bei den Behandlern statt. Es gab bereits um 17 Uhr Abendessen, woran ich mich erstmal gewöhnen musste. Und abends chillten wir meistens in den Aufenthaltsräumen, spielten Spiele, sahen fern oder rauchten (!!!:D).

Fazit

Auch wenn ich während der Therapie nicht dieser Meinung war, hat mir der Klinikaufenthalt geholfen. Ich wurde weitgehend stabilisiert, was auch das Ziel des Aufenthaltes war.

Ich habe vor allem mit Skills (Mittel zur Anspannungsregulation) gearbeitet und gelernt, mich besser einzuschätzen. Auch die Ergotherapie war echt hilfreich dabei, meine kreative Seite wieder zu entdecken und mir neue Hobbies anzueignen.

Einige Male stand ich vor den Abgründen meiner Psyche und war überrascht, wie tief sie runter gehen. Vor allem mit der PTBS ist echt nicht zu spaßen Leute, es kann schon verrückt sein, was der Kopf einem da für Streiche spielt. Ich bin mit meinen Ärzten so verblieben, mein Trauma nun erst einmal so gut es geht in Ruhe zu lassen, da ich noch nicht bereit für eine Konfrontation bin. Und das ist auch gut so.

Ich habe mir neue Perspektiven geschaffen. Es kommt (hoffentlich) ein wundervolles Jahr auf mich zu, in dem ich einen neuen Lebensabschnitt beginnen möchte. Was genau geplant ist, werde ich euch in meinem nächsten Beitrag erzählen! 🙂

 

 

 

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